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Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books.............

"Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic: ... cost - $29.99
Clinton: .... cost - $29.99

Titanic: ..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: .. Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: ..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: .... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: ..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: .... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: .... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: ..... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: ..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: ..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: ..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: ..... Let's not go there.

Titanic: ..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: .... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: ..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: .... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: ..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: .... Monica... ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: ..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: ..... Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.


This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.

4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

5. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

6. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "Man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel."

7. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.

8. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "How much?" she say "fortify."

Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word....

Today's word is: "OMELETTE" Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide"


Have you ever wondered where the Phrase "You Gotta Be Shittin' Me" came from?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware . Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour later, one of his men said, "General, I see lights ahead."

They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute hidden in the forest to serve all who came. General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, "Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort."

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, "Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?"

Washington replied, "Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters."

And the Madam said, "You gotta be shittin' me."


Why the Internet Is Like a Penis

  • It can be up or down. It`s more fun when it`s up, but that makes it difficult to get any real work done.
  • In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that`s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
  • It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
  • It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it`s hard to tell what kind of person you`re dealing with until it`s too late.
  • If you don`t apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
  • It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you`ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
  • We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
  • If you`re not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
  • It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
  • Some folks have it, some don`t. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don`t have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. Those who don`t have it may agree that it`s a nifty toy, but think it`s not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don`t have it would like to try it.
  • Once you`ve started playing with it, it`s hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn`t have work to do.

I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy" Then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out." Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, ".. And where do you think you're going?!"

(You're gonna love this....)

She said, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.


Ten things men understand about women:


Prison Bitch Name Generator


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updated 03/04/08